Today is a FLASHBACK post from when the kids were younger. I used to keep track of the odd shit they would say and blog about it on Fridays. This was one of them:
I had a song stuck in my head and while making dinner I said one line really loudly with feeling!
Lance: hahahahaha. Well that just came out of nowhere.
Me: Nuh uh! It came out of my mouth.
Draven talking about his own seat on the bus
Me: u don't want to sit by yourself
Draven: I rather sit next to myself
Draven had his birthday party at a paranormal location in middle school. Kids not listening to instructions for ghost hunt
Me: it's all Fun and games until someone loses their soul!
Screenshot of Matt and dravens text. .. Candy man
Draven: No thank you!
Draven: that woman has 4 kids. Two sets of twins. That means half of them look alike!
Connor: does Chase have a job?
Draven: he's 11 where would he work?
Connor: the slave trade?
Draven to Connor: thanks a lot, Douche!
Connor: I'm not an Italian actress!!
Lance asked me to move and then to move again.
Me: what the fuck, fucker!?!!
Draven: wow mom. Great vocabulary.
Me: it's all I got left with three teenage boys.
Dravens roach trap: a square you plug into the wall and when a roach comes into view it's fried by a high power laser beam.
Told Connor to CLEAN up pee pee with mop bucket and rag.
Connor: Eeewww. I got a bucket full of pee.
Me: why do you have a bucket full of pee, Connor?
Connor: cuz you told me to get one.
Mark: A person can die of stupid.
Draven:Oh no! Connor could go at any minute!!
Draven had a report to do on Thomas Jefferson so he wanted Connor to let him turn in the one he did the previous year in that class.
Mark: no Draven you have to do your own work. They'll know you copied it if its the same as Connors was.
Draven: nuh uh. Of course it would be the same. It's the same president.
Kids are being loud in the kitchen while I’m trying to write a research paper.
Me: If you guys don’t’ stop yelling while I’m writing this paper I will cut your tongues out and staple them to your foreheads!!
Draven: Hey Connor soon you WILL be able to lick your eyeball!!
Connor: I am -12 years old so I don't exist.
Me: if you don't exist I can't talk to you.
Connor: why not?
Me: I'm Prejudice against people who don't exist. They are nothing to me. Lance: Wow mom!
Connor: wine tastes bad to the sober tongue
Me: my tongue likes it and I'm sober. But if it would make you feel better I can go smoke some pot and them enjoy my wine.
Draven: I think it'll make everyone feel better.
Draven: mom I burned a bully at school today.
Me: oh yeah. How?
Draven: he told me "ladies first" before I walked through the door so I bowed and waved him through the door and said "by all means"
Lance: you're a crack whore
Draven: I DO NOT SMOKE CRACK!!
Draven: in my government the head of the senate has 2 things. The power to break ties in the senate and a motive to kill the president. If the president dies he gets it all.