Today is a FLASHBACK post from when the kids were younger. I used to keep track of the odd shit they would say and blog about it on Fridays. These are all I have left of them. The kids were between 10-14 when these conversations took place. Mother of the year ya'll!
I had a song stuck in my head and while making dinner I said one line really loudly with feeling!
Lance: hahahahaha. Well that just came out of nowhere.
Me: Nuh uh! It came out of my mouth.
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Draven talking about his own seat on the bus
Me: u don't want to sit by yourself
Draven: I rather sit next to myself
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Draven had his birthday party at a paranormal location in middle school. Kids not listening to instructions for ghost hunt
Me: it's all Fun and games until someone loses their soul!
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Draven: No thank you!
Me: What?
Draven: that woman has 4 kids. Two sets of twins. That means half of them look alike!
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Connor: does Chase have a job?
Draven: he's 11 where would he work?
Connor: the slave trade?
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Draven to Connor: thanks a lot, Douche!
Connor: I'm not an Italian actress!!
WTF?!?! Not sure what that was about
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Lance asked me to move and then to move again.
Me: what the fuck, fucker!?!!
Draven: wow mom. Great vocabulary.
Me: it's all I got left with three teenage boys.
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Draven: My roach trap would be a square you plug into the wall and when a roach comes into view it's fried at by a high power laser beam.
Me: lasers? Really?
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Told Connor to CLEAN up pee pee with mop bucket and rag.
Connor: Eeewww. I got a bucket full of pee.
Me: why do you have a bucket full of pee, Connor?
Connor: cuz you told me to get one.
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Mark: A person can die of stupid.
Draven: Oh no! Connor could go at any minute!!
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Draven had a report to do on Thomas Jefferson so he wanted Connor to let him turn in the one he did the previous year in that class.
Mark: no Draven you have to do your own work. They'll know you copied it if its the same as Connors was.
Draven: nuh uh. Of course it would be the same. It's the same president.
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Kids
are being loud in the kitchen while I’m trying to write a research paper.
Me:
If you guys don’t’ stop yelling while I’m writing this paper I will cut your
tongues out and staple them to your foreheads!!
Draven:
Hey Connor soon you WILL be able to lick your eyeball!! (c0nnor is autistic and has never understood why he can't lick his own eyeball)
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Connor:
I am -12 years old so I don't exist.
Me:
if you don't exist I can't talk to you.
Connor:
why not?
Me:
I'm Prejudice against people who don't exist. They are nothing to me.
Lance: Wow mom!
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Connor:
wine tastes bad to the sober tongue
Me:
my tongue likes it and I'm sober. But if it would make you feel better I can go
smoke some pot and then enjoy my wine.
Draven:
I think it'll make everyone feel better.
Me:
O.O
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Draven:
mom I burned a bully at school today.
Me:
oh yeah. How?
Draven:
he told me "ladies first" before I walked through the door so I bowed
and waved him through the door and said "by all means"
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I came down the stairs one day when Draven was playing Playstation with his friends on mic.
Draven: I gotta turn off my mic. My mom is here and her mouth isn't kids friendly.
Me: What in the FUCK did you just say about me boi?!?! I am the most kid friendly mother fucker in this place. (flipped him off when I walked out. He laughed for 5 minutes straight)
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Lance:
you're a crack whore
Draven:
I DO NOT SMOKE CRACK!!
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Draven:
in my government the head of the senate has 2 things. The power to break ties
in the senate and a motive to kill the president. If the president dies he gets
it all.
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