Friday, April 17, 2020

Convos with Kids: Flashback




Today is a FLASHBACK post from when the kids were younger. I used to keep track of the odd shit they would say and blog about it on Fridays. This was one of them:


I had a song stuck in my head and while making dinner I said one line really loudly with feeling!

Lance: hahahahaha. Well that just came out of nowhere.

Me: Nuh uh! It came out of my mouth.



Draven talking about his own seat on the bus

Me: u don't want to sit by yourself

Draven: I rather sit next to myself



Draven had his birthday party at a paranormal location in middle school. Kids not listening to instructions for ghost hunt

Me: it's all Fun and games until someone loses their soul!

Screenshot of Matt and dravens text. .. Candy man



Draven: No thank you!

Me: What?

Draven: that woman has 4 kids. Two sets of twins. That means half of them look alike!



Connor: does Chase have a job?

Draven: he's 11 where would he work?

Connor: the slave trade?



Draven to Connor: thanks a lot, Douche!

Connor: I'm not an Italian actress!!

WTF?!?!



Lance asked me to move and then to move again.

Me: what the fuck, fucker!?!!

Draven: wow mom. Great vocabulary.

Me: it's all I got left with three teenage boys.





Dravens roach trap: a square you plug into the wall and when a roach comes into view it's fried by a high power laser beam.

Me: lasers?really?



Told Connor to CLEAN up pee pee with mop bucket and rag.

Connor: Eeewww. I got a bucket full of pee.

Me: why do you have a bucket full of pee, Connor?

Connor: cuz you told me to get one.



Mark: A person can die of stupid.

Draven:Oh no! Connor could go at any minute!!



Draven had a report to do on Thomas Jefferson so he wanted Connor to let him turn in the one he did the previous year in that class.

Mark: no Draven you have to do your own work. They'll know you copied it if its the same as Connors was.

Draven: nuh uh. Of course it would be the same. It's the same president.



Kids are being loud in the kitchen while I’m trying to write a research paper.

Me: If you guys don’t’ stop yelling while I’m writing this paper I will cut your tongues out and staple them to your foreheads!!

Draven: Hey Connor soon you WILL be able to lick your eyeball!!

Connor: I am -12 years old so I don't exist. 

Me: if you don't exist I can't talk to you. 

Connor: why not? 

Me: I'm Prejudice against people who don't exist. They are nothing to me. Lance: Wow mom!



Connor: wine tastes bad to the sober tongue 

Me: my tongue likes it and I'm sober. But if it would make you feel better I can go smoke some pot and them enjoy my wine. 

Draven: I think it'll make everyone feel better. 

Me: O.O



Draven: mom I burned a bully at school today. 

Me: oh yeah. How?

Draven: he told me "ladies first" before I walked through the door so I bowed and waved him through the door and said "by all means"



Lance: you're a crack whore

Draven: I DO NOT SMOKE CRACK!!



Draven: in my government the head of the senate has 2 things. The power to break ties in the senate and a motive to kill the president. If the president dies he gets it all. 


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